How do you know when your child should switch host families?
This question is difficult to answer because, of course, some awkwardness during the initial adjustment period is to be expected, and that certainly is no reason to request a new host family. During the YFU orientation, the students were told to try to work issues out with their host families by communicating. If that did not work, they should call their area YFU representative and ask for help. Under no circumstances should they just move out and go live with a friend (or so they were told).I don't 100% agree with that advice. If my child felt she were in danger, I would advise her to walk out of the house with her passport, some money, and her phone and go directly to a friend or neighbor's house. Thankfully, being in physical danger is not generally the reason your child would need a new host family.
Usually, it is something that happens gradually. The uncomfortable feeling doesn't go away after the first few weeks. There is palpable tension. Maybe words are exchanged. If the local YFU representative was called in, and the problems are still there, it is quite likely that the host family is going to initiate the change. If they do not, your child should continue to communicate with the YFU representative, including his/her desire to switch host families.
Is there anything the American parents can do during this time?
I won't lie - -this is a rough stage to get your child through. My daughter called on Skype in tears. She said she was going to have to move. Since she had mentioned this fear several times, I asked her why she thought it was true this time. She said that her host dad had told her that they had already called YFU and requested that she be switched.As an aside -- during this whole process, YFU never once contacted my daughter or us. We had no idea what was going on - - Were they going to switch her? Would they try to find a family in the same area? What was the timeline? Her local representative was on vacation at the time, but (in my mind, at least) that was no reason to leave a 17-year-old in the dark about what was happening.
During the Skype call, I used the 1-800 number of the YFU American parent representative to try to get some details and also to ask if she could recruit her own host family from among her friends. She loved her German school, had met several nice friends, and had joined some clubs. She really wanted to stay in the area. The parent representative said that my daughter could recruit a new host family, but that YFU would make the final decision. Within a short time, she had 2 families volunteer; YFU chose one. They allowed her to "spend the night" with the new host family until the paperwork went through, which eliminated some of the awkwardness of remaining in the house with the first host family.
My daughter has had several friends from her original orientation group who needed to switch host families. Each experience was very different. The most recent one recruited 4 families willing to take her, but the original host family wanted her out of the region, so she was not allowed to stay.
It's easy to find glowing reports of exchange students who were treated like family the minute they stepped in the door of their new home. You and your child should acknowledge that it doesn't always happen that way. If you don't think your child can handle the above scenarios, you should reconsider whether your child is ready for a long independent experience abroad.
In conclusion, it was not all bad. My daughter said to me, "I never realized how reasonable you and dad are." Frankly, I never expected to hear those words from my teenage daughter. Also, she still loved Germany and being in Germany. There was never a point where she said, "just let me come home!"
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